The Mother of Invention
I had one of those moments of enlightenment yesterday whilst walking through the drug store, of all places. there was a TV screen set up in the store airing an infomercial for a hands-free device that would open jars. That’s the moment it hit me. You know the kind of moment-one of those times when you feel an aura of light surrounding you and you hear the angelic voices singing Ahhhhh The truth which I now not only comprehend, but embrace is this: necessity, as the saying goes, is not, in fact, the mother of invention, laziness is.
I started noticing all the conveniences we have today that were unavailable 50, 20, 10 and even 5 years ago. I can’t think of one that is an absolute necessity, but simply an easier way to do something. The same is true where I work. I work in a laboratory and sometimes go to great lengths to automate processes, not because it is necessary, but because it makes my life easier. You see, I’d rather work at avoiding work than to actually do the work to begin with. I think that maybe, just maybe, we’re all lazy at our very core and have to find creative ways to let that laziness surface. We disguise this ugly truth by marketing our gizmos as improvements until such time as they become necessary because we’ve gotten lazier and more spoiled than we already were. I’m starting a new revolution here- my name is Jamie and I’m creative because I’m lazy. there, I said it.
When I think about the handy, dandy, space age, jar opener of the future that spawned my moment of enlightenment, I wonder how we ever got sticky jars open to begin with. I’m pretty sure the reason my Grandma had kids was so that there was someone to fetch dishes from the top shelf and so that she didn’t have to open jars on her own. Before she had kids there was Grandpa. Before him, there was her dad. It certainly is easier, though, to have some whiz bang gadget pop that pickle jar wide open than to have to inconvenience someone for 25 or 30 seconds, you’ve got to admit. I mean, why on earth would I waste precious energy opening a jar when I could be sitting in the recliner memorizing every line from a Seinfeld episode that I’ve seen 26 times already? I’m all about conserving that energy. Maybe that’s it- I’m a conservationist Wow, I even impress myself sometimes
I love the levels of laziness, or as I prefer to call it, creativity that we have reached. We have found easier ways of doing things that were easy to begin with. For instance, I never threw my shoulder and elbow out rolling down the window in my Dad’s truck but, as laziness would have it, there is now a button that does the same thing. same goes for pencil sharpeners but, thankfully, I don’t even have to push a button to get that perfectly sharpened pencil.
And as for the tube-never has laziness driven us to such great achievements. I remember the 3 channel days. in retrospect, I’m convinced that there were only 3 channels because that’s all that was needed. It took WAY too much effort to get up, walk 10 feet, change the channel, walk another 10 feet and sit back down. Though there were three channels, typically you settled on the one that was most to your liking and rode out the storm. Given that we must have our options, though, some lazy genius figured out how to change the channel without getting out of his chair by means of a wire that ran across the floor to the TV. Wires and high traffic areas were a bad combination, however, and it didn’t take long for us to realize that if someone tripped over the wire it could snatch the remote out of your hand and you’d be right back to getting up again. As a result, wireless remotes were invented. Still, it required the use of a thumb to flip back and forth between favorite shows, and that couldn’t be good for anyone. The solution? two shows on the screen at the same time, of course. Awesome.
And communications-there’s some laziness for you. It was such effort to pull in somewhere and use a payphone that we had to bring the payphone into the car with us. now I spend $75 a month to avoid spending the 50 I used to spend in a months time, but it sure is less complicated. now I can check my e-mail, browse the web, watch movies, listen to music AND take phone calls because, before recently, all of that meant migrating from room to room. no thanks to all that extra motion.
We’re even, um, creative when it comes to exercise. Remember those things in the 60′s that had a strap that would run around your back side and try to jiggle the blubber off of you? Laziness. We haven’t given up, though. I loved the sentiment behind the Ab Shocker. Strap an electrocution hazard around your abdomen and let an electrical current stimulate the flexing of your abs so you don’t have to. The reason this didn’t go like gangbusters, though, is that it worked. no not by the intended design, but by virtue of the fact that it hit you like a cattle prod which made you jump up and run around the room all the while bucking like a rodeo bull. Actual exercise was never intended and certainly is not going to be tolerated.
Well, I have to go lie down. Writing this article has exhausted me. Maybe while I’m in there I’ll come up with a way to write while avoiding poking at these pesky keys. I’ll tell everyone it’s more ergonomically feasible, but the truth is I’m just lazy.
